The Connie Springer Show
by Tache
Summary: Connie has a show where his audience gets to know members of the military on a more personal note. Eren has an important announcment to make. Is this for real or is it all just an act?


**Well, this is now a thing...**

 **I guess this was inspired by how much Connie's name makes me think of Jerry Springer. That and how immature the AoT shipping community can be at times. Just so you know, I support Eremika, so other ships appearing in this chapter are meant to be taken as crack.**

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"Con-nie! Con-nie! Con-nie!" Chanted the audience as Connie made his way out onto the stage.

"Welcome everyone to the first of what I hope will be many episodes of The Connie Springer Show!" He says excitedly. "On this show, you will all get to know members of the military more personally as they share their deepest darkest secrets will all of you." The audience cheered. "My first ever guest is from the Survey Corps, please welcome Eren Jaeger!" Connie made his way off stage to walk among his audience as Eren walked onto the stage and sat down. "Welcome Eren to my show."

"Thanks for having me, Connie." Eren replies to him.

"Now Eren, you told me before the show that you have an important announcement to make today." Connie leads. Eren looks nervous as he twiddles his thumbs.

"Yeah, the thing is, I asked Mikasa to marry me last week and she said yes." He said with a blush. Many members of the audience cheered loudly at this statement.

"Yes! My ship is setting sail!" One woman in the audience cried.

"I knew he liked her." One man commented.

"Eremika for life!" Another woman cried.

"Well I congratulate the both of you." Connie says. Eren blushes as he looks down, still twiddling his thumbs.

"Thanks, but there is still something I have not told her yet." He says nervously, "And she will probably hate me and leave me once I tell her."

"What could possibly make Mikasa hate you and want to leave you?" Connie asked. Eren has a look of shame on his face.

"I've been sleeping with Levi behind her back." He confesses. The audience gasped.

"I knew it!" A young woman cried out.

"Remember the court room, they are totally into BDSM!" Another woman says.

"Ereri is life!" Another woman cries out.

"Well this is quite the predicament you are in. Luckily for you, we have you're fiancee here with us today. Give it up for Mikasa Ackerman of the Survey Corps!" The audience clapped as Mikasa walked onto the stage. She kissed Eren before sitting down in the chair beside him. "Thanks for being here today, Mikasa."

"Thank you for having me, Connie." She replies.

"Now Mikasa, Eren just told us that he has something important to tell you before the two of you get married." Connie told her, causing Mikasa to look at Eren. Eren looks away in shame.

"What do you need to tell me?" She asks him. Eren sweats a bit, whipping his brows with his sleeve.

"Now Mikasa, first off, I love you very much." He begins, "But I think you should know that I also love Levi and have been sleeping with him behind your back." Mikasa shoots up in anger and slaps him across the face.

"Oooohhhhh! Con-nie! Con-nie! Con-nie!" Chants the audience.

"You what?!" Mikasa screams at Eren. "What do you mean you have been sleeping with Levi?! He is twice your age too!"

"Mikasa, age is just a number. And what I mean is I love it when he ties me up and dominates me. I love it when he kicks me in the face and makes me lick his boots!" Eren replies.

"Hell yes you do! You're an obedient little sub!" One woman in the audience screams.

"I could do that to you too!" Mikasa screams.

"Well things are heating up fast. Please welcome our next guest, Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps." Connie announces as Levi walks onto the stage. Before he can sit down though, Mikasa runs over and punches him in the face, knocking him back a few feet.

"You son of a bitch! How dare you fuck my man!" She hollers at him. Levi regains his composure as he walks over and punches Mikasa in the guts. She gasps as she steps back a few feet, but manages to stay standing.

"Bitch, I have what Eren desires." He tells her and he removes his shirt, revealing his finely toned chest, his muscular biceps, and eight-pack abs. The women in the audience squeal loudly. Levi ignores the fan-girling as he approaches Eren and forces him to his knees. Levi then pulls a rope out of his pocket and proceeds to tie Eren's hands behind his back.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, you fucking pipsqueak?" Mikasa asks as she watches this. Levi grins.

"Just wanted you to see what Eren like." He then kicks Eren in the face. The audience cheers.

"Con-nie! Con-nie! Conie1" They chant as Levi continues to kick Eren when suddenly he is sent flying when Mikasa punches him in the face.

"You think Eren likes that? This is what Eren likes!" She then rips open her shirt, sending the buttons flying. She then tosses the remnants of her shirt aside, leaving her in just her white sports bra to cover her C-cup breasts. The audience gasps in marvel at the sight of her finely toned muscles and eight-pack abs.

"Oh yeah, she can dominate me any day." One man in the audience comments. He lets out a whimper when Mikasa shoots him a death glare. Levi chuckles.

"Are you trying to say Eren likes to fuck Amazons?" He asks.

"Oh, that does it!" Mikasa charges Levi. Four MP officers run on to stage, two trying to restrain Mikasa, while the other two try to restrain Levi. To no ones surprise all four are soon sent flying, one crashing through a chair, one into the overhead lighting, one into an audience member, and the other through the wall. Mikasa and Levi are now trading punches with each other, neither one wanting to be the one to admit defeat.

"Con-nie! Con-nie! Con-nie!" The audience chants. Meanwhile, Jean, Armin, Sasha, and Hanji sat in the front row completely stunned.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Jean asks.

"I don't know, but this is good." Sasha says as she munches on some potato chips.

"I think this is all an act." Armin comments. Hanji nods in agreement.

"Yup, there is no way Levi would risk his career over sleeping with one of his subordinates." She says.

Back on the stage, both Mikasa and Levi are both breathing heavily now. Both are by now sporting several bruises on the face and torsos. Mikasa has blood dripping from her nose while Levi has a cut on his left cheek.

"You better give it up, pipsqueak." Mikasa says.

"Or what?" Levi asks.

"Or I will tell Eren about us." Levi gasps along with the audience.

"About us, what are you talking about?" Eren asks, now somehow being free from being tied up. Mikasa turns to him.

"I didn't want you to find out, but I've been fucking Levi too!" She says, causing several gasps to ring out.

"Yeah, humanity's strongest pair!" One man cries out.

"What?! But isn't he your cousin or something like that?" Eren asks in shock.

"Who cares, as long as our babies are strong as fuck!" Mikasa shoots back.

"But it's incest!" Eren cries out.

"Eremika is incest!" One woman cries, "They are practically brother and sister!"

"If Eremika is incest, so is Ereri!" Another woman screams at the other woman.

"No it is not!" The first woman cries back.

"But Levi is Mikasa's cousin or something. So if Mikasa is Eren's sister like you like to claim, that means Levi is also Eren's cousin or something like that!" The second woman shoots back.

"But they aren't actually brother and sister, so Ereri is not incest!" The first woman says.

"Oh, so Eren and Mikasa are related when it's a convenience to your ship, but they aren't related when it inconveniences your ship?" Someone else cries out.

Meanwhile, back on stage, Eren bites into his hand, transforming into a titan. Levi and Mikasa both snag the 3DMG of of the unconscious MP officers and the three of them start brawling. Several more MP officers try to break the fight up, failing miserably.

"Con-nie! Con-nie! Con-nie!" The audience chants as they watch the brawl.

"I'm now convinced this is an act." Jean comments. The brawl lasts for five minutes before Connie walks on stage. Instantly the brawl stops and Eren returns to his human form.

"Yup, definitely an act." Hanji comments.

"Well, that is our time for today." Connie says, "But before I go, couples need to talk to each other more. They need to share their feeling and tell their partner about other attractions they might have. If they don't the relationship may be ruined." With that said, the lights dimmed and the curtains closed. Connie turned to his friends with a grin on his face. "Great acting today guys. I'm sure to get a second episode now!" Levi and Mikasa both glare at him, causing Connie to gulp.

"Aren't you forgetting something, Springer?" Levi says. Connie sweats nervously, "In exchange for me pretending to be fucking these two brats, you are going to be cleaning the entire headquarters from top to bottom, everyday for the next six months."

"Sure, that will be no problem." Connie replies nervously.

"And you will be paying all expenses for Eren's and mine wedding as well as our honeymoon." Mikasa adds.

"Well with how much money this show should make me, that should be no problem."

The End

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 **So yeah, this was all scripted drama written by Connie after Eren and Mikasa got engaged and then he heard some fan girls thought Eren and Levi were secretly banging. Then he heard some people thought Levi and Mikasa made a good couple so he threw that in the script. The only way he could get them all to go along with all of this was explained at the end of the chapter.**

 **I may write a second episode yet, but have not decided if I will or not. But I do have an idea.**


End file.
